I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
