cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
