Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
