With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
