i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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