How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
