is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you didnt know i had herpes?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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