My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
