if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
