I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
