thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
