Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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