Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
