the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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