Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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