my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
40s are totally the cure
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
