the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
