Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
