I wanna bring you to show and tell
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
3 2 1 whiskey
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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