So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
