Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
