the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
