i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
