I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
