Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
