Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Are these your boobs on my camera?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
