Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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