its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
