think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
