his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
