i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
