dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
