Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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