you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
