Pants 0. Shit 1.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
