he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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