you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
