all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
