it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
