quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
