Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize