I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
