and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is wine microwaveable?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
