some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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