I cockslap morals
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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