I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
