I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
