so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
