shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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