You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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