i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
