Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
