I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize