No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
