im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize