Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
