You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize