can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
