You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
