So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
