I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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