I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Randomize
