I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Is it because I queefed?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
