Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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