i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
