Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
