I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
