I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
