we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
