I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize