i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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