I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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