Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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