I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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