And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
