is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
