I want to make a zoo with you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
