She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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