So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
