There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
