Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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