you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
