It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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