I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
