he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
