they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
