If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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