bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
