I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
