I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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