yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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